US Families Will be Paid $100K per Newborn

The senate narrowly passed the controversial child benefit law today, in which families will be paid $100K per child born after Jan1 2051.  

Anyone planning a family will no doubt celebrate the news, whilst those who have recently had children may feel particularly unlucky about their timing. A local woman campaigning against the bill told us how her child was due in December of this year - only a month before the new law comes into effect. 

  ‘One month later and we could be 100K better off. One hundred! How is that fair? They’ve turned baby-making into a business. Why would we bother going to work if we can sit at home and live off of baby money? This bill penalizes hard-working Americans, whilst making lazy benefit-stealing baby-making scalpers rich. I know women with ten kids and counting - kids who’ll grow up to be criminals, drug dealers, good-for-nothings. This bill is going to make these people millionaires! What have they done to deserve that money? Nothing! Give the money to the people who know what to do with it.’ 

Many more have raised concerns about women becoming extorted because of the bill, especially in states with anti-abortion laws, and agreed that we could see women becoming forcibly impregnated and held in anti-abortion states wherein a termination could land them a prison term.  

 Senator Amber Kelly raised the issue that, although the bill is intended to help families, ‘it could bring about a much darker reality, of something akin to modern slavery, with women all over the country losing their basic human rights. We could be farmed.’ 

  Most in the hearing called Senator Kelly out for dramatizing the issue, and reminded the Senator that governmental payouts for children and childcare exist in every country, and have done for years.

Senator MacKenzie was as vocal as ever in the hearing. The man famous for his extremist views and nationalistic rhetoric didn’t waste the opportunity to criticize the bill for benefiting minorities and warned that it would drastically change the country’s racial demographic. ‘Who are we kidding?’ He said, ‘we know the type of people who have a dozen kids. And they’re not like us, are they? They’re not true Americans. This bill is yet another attempt to erase true America!’

 The Senator wasn’t heard for much longer. Many have been critical about senate hearings being held in V.R., but at least it’s easy to mute those like Senator MacKenzie.