NYC Requires All Kids to Wear Helmets on Playgrounds

The playgrounds in the city of New York may never look the same after today as mayor Mary Watts has signed the controversial new helmet safety law. It will now be required of all children under the age of 12 to wear government-approved helmets whilst on municipal playgrounds. Private play areas are expected to follow suit.

Watts took to the streets to sign the bill and gave a speech to reporters where she once again doubled down on her mandate to improve child safety. Readers will remember that Watt’s election was largely driven by her campaign to reduce hospital intakes, which she hoped would take pressure off of the city budget.

The Mayor signed the bill at a playground in Upper West Side, a popular site in the borough of Manhattan where Watt’s own children play. “Children should feel safe in this city, just as I did,” she told the reporters, the monkey bars and climbing frames behind her full of giddy children donning their new glowing neon helmets. “It is my responsibility to make my dream their reality.” Watts once again drew on her experience of parenting to appeal to the people of New York - something which has made the Mayor popular among the community, and this can be seen via her campaign slogan: “Mother first, Mayor second.”

 “From this day on, parents need not worry themselves sick about their child having a fall on the swingset, or hitting their head at the end of a slide. And to those out there criticizing this law - It might be seen as a small gesture, but one less thing to worry about might make a parent’s day just that little bit easier. Besides - no gesture is small or insignificant when it comes to child safety.”

Although Watts didn’t name her critics, readers will know that the Mayor is referencing the ongoing campaign to oppose the law. Whilst in a minority, some critics have been extremely vocal in their disapproval of the new helmet law, with most accusing Watts of restricting their children’s “freedom to choose.” Among Watt’s critics, she has assumed the somewhat derogatory nickname ‘The Mollycoddler.’ We say somewhat derogatory as Watts’s supporters have openly adopted the name as a means to show their Mayor cares about the children of New York.   

But many more have shown concern that the law might negatively impact poorer communities that cannot afford the costly helmet - which is now becoming a necessity for a child to play outside in the city. The Mayor has stated that any child from a low-income family will be eligible for a free helmet, although parents who have registered as far as 3 months in advance have still not received theirs and have left many parents worrying about the waiting times. “My child shouldn’t have to wait to be able to play with his friends,” one mother told us. To this, the Mayor has assured all anxious parents that the scheme is new, and will become easier over time. “Do not worry, all children will have access to play as usual,” she has said, “except they will be safer than ever!” The Mayor finished her speech by setting the next milestone. Soon, along with their helmets, each child will have to wear a camera equipped with GPS, through which parents and members of the community can watch and track their movements - all in the name of safety!