Wooly Mammoth Missing, Locals Suspect Kidnapping

Sad news for Mammoth fans across the globe this morning - Mossy, the internet star of The Greater Turkic Herd - has gone missing. Mossy’s social media pages have been flooded with condolences this morning, whilst people have flocked to the herd’s migration route, some dressed head to toe in Mossy memorabilia. Local law enforcement has issued a statement warning the public against looking for the Mammoth in the taiga forest: “It’s for the public’s safety. Do NOT go looking for Mossy by yourself. It is dangerous, leave it to the authorities”.    

The Mammoth disappeared in the night - satellite imaging shows the animal separating from the herd just after 2 AM. The herd’s chief veterinarian has stated that this behavior suggests that the animal was ill - “it is not uncommon for sick animals in the wild to leave the herd.” The veterinarian took the opportunity to remind the public that, despite Mossy’s celebrity status, “when we released the animal into the wild, it became a wild animal. We have to accept that these things happen in nature.”   

Controversially, junior members of the herd’s veterinary team have already spoken out against this. “The mammoth wasn’t sick. If Mossy was sick - we’d know about it. These are multi-million-dollar animals equipped with top of the line medical trackers - we would know if they were sick.” 

Local reindeer herders have long warned that the introduction of the animals into the forest has brought more poachers to the region. Mammoths are a top prize when it comes to black-market trading; the 6 tonne, 14-foot tall animals are wanted for their ivory tusks, for their extraordinarily warm wool, and perhaps more than anything, for their meat. It is no secret that the illegal red meat trade is flourishing in both Russia and China; the remote Siberian forest attracts poachers and smugglers from both countries. Even satellite and drone surveillance does not provide 100% guarantee. 

Theories on the animal’s disappearance have quickly spread online, but this is what we know to be true: Mossy’s tracking chip and camera went offline in the early hours. Amateur trackers claim that last signals are consistent with remote tampering. Due to a gap in satellite coverage, Mossy vanished from observation as soon as she left the herd. Coincidence? We think not. 

But we are all left asking the same question: why Mossy? The disappearance of any other Mammoth may have slipped under the radar of the public, but whoever has taken the celebrity animal now has a legion of amateur online detectives hoping to crack the case.